Fault
by fermataoso
Summary: Songfic: Elphaba reflects on her guilt.


AN: So I just heard this song and thought I might try a songfic. "It's Not Your Fault" by New Found Glory.

* * *

_It was a cold California, Even in the summer. She was wrapped in a blanket by the pool._

Life had left Elphaba feeling cold, numbed by the guilt and regret of a lifetime full of mistakes. She thought back to the day that she and Glinda had stood before the Wizard, and the vows that she had spoken then, recreating her life in a lonely mission of revenge.

_There were rapid statements, About life commitments_ as she promised to fight the Wizard until her dying breath, unaware of the terrible cost_. A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch,_ a passion she saw now would consume her miserable life. _I couldn't bear it._

Thinking of Glinda, standing there left behind, by her own choice she reminded herself. _It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,_

Thinking of their innocence, both of them robbed of it with the choice they faced. _It's not your fault so please stop your crying now. _

She saw her friend's face, tears streaming down it as she left her behind, drawing the guards away. _Please stop your crying now.  
_  
She had left then, fighting as she saw fit. She seemed only capable of sowing terror and misery, failure her only reward.

_There was staring and seclusion. _Her skin had always made her an outsider, but she was so truly alone now. Even her old friends had turned against her. She couldn't blame them, as she had become the most hated person in all of Oz.

_A fine tuned way of motion, _her broom and the Grimmerie her only allies, she returned to face the Wizard and free the poor flying Monkeys. Almost seduced by the promise of forgiveness and acceptance again, she at least succeeded in freeing the Monkeys if only to be captured herself, by Fiyero no less. Crushed, she realized Fiyero now was aligned with the Wizard. He sent for water to melt her, and she was so devastated by the change he must have undergone.

_A face wrapped for a suitor, _Glinda's appearance from the ball with quite a surprise. Elphaba had heard that she and Fiyero were engaged, and who she was more jealous of she could not say. She had always wanted to be with Fiyero, but Glinda was the only best friend she had ever had. She loved Glinda, but she could not even hug her in reunion. When Fiyero revealed his intentions, she almost wept with joy. She had been so afraid that it was all over then. As Glinda bartered for his forgiveness, he amazed them all with his proclamation that he was leaving with her.

Her loneliness and failure had so broken her that she held no resistance to him, despite her loyalty to Glinda. She just longed to feel human touch again, to be seen as Elphaba instead of the Wicked Witch. She had loved him from afar for so long, it was surreal with that he was finally there, that she was in his arms. _The sound of hearts pumping at the same beat, _she was overwhelmed by her need for him. _Coming 'round the corner, In almost all directions, A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch,_ she felt his passion filling her with warmth again, thawing her frozen heart. It overwhelmed her, it was so powerful. _No, I couldn't bear it._

Thinking of Glinda, her face so hurt by their betrayal, choosing each other and leaving her alone. "_It's not your fault so please stop your crying now", _she wanted to tell her friend so deeply. She longed for her forgiveness. "_It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,"_ she tried to tell herself, but not believing it. Turning to Fiyero, she confessed, "For the first time, I feel wicked."

The rest racing in a blur, her attempt to help Nessa with those cursed shoes, to help Boq before Nessa stole his heart, the house falling on her dear sister crushing her life away, the fight with Glinda, the rescue from Fiyero. It was all so much. Would there never be an end?

Fiyero, precious beloved Fiyero, being tortured for her mistake. _Now you, wait for, something, to cure this,_ she tried everything, searching the Grimmerie frantically as she considered how every good deed she had ever done had caused nothing but pain. Crushed with guilt and loss, she let her anger consume her.

Desperation had turned him into a scarecrow, but he lived. They made their plans, as scarred and beaten, she was finally willing to accept her defeat. She saw poor Glinda, made her apologies and her goodbyes, and sadly left her friend again, this time forever.

She reflected now, as the wretched Dorothy girl attempted to murder her with a bucket of water, how his well-constructed plan had so many potential flaws. _Well I'm here, under your downpour. _She trusted him, with no other real choice. Teetering on the edge of death, her many mistakes were all she saw of her life.

Thinking of Nessa, driven to tyranny by her abandonment. _It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,_

Boq, his heart gone and his body tin, he was literally a shell of the man he had been, all because of her. _It's not your fault so please stop your crying,_

Nessa, crushed by that horrible house merely to serve as a trap for her sister. _It's not your fault.  
_

Dr. Dillamond, his proud speech forever lost. _It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,_

The Lion, who by saving she had made cowardly. _It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,_

Dear Glinda, who would never know the friend she mourned was still alive, who would have to bear the weight of Oz alone now. _It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,_

Fiyero, sweet kind Fiyero, his beautiful body replaced with a cursed straw one. He would become the rejected outcast she was now, and though he had chosen her before, she couldn't help but feel she had cheated him into her own destiny. _It's not your fault, stop crying now.  
_

Overwhelmed with guilt, she wondered would she ever find absolution for her many sins?


End file.
